Kurt's Constant Struggle
by XanLongbottom
Summary: Kurt gets sick right after Burt's heart attack and he hides it, but what happens when it takes a turn for the worst? Possible triggers, quite sad.


I sit on my bed, coughing, I've had this cough for weeks, I think to myself, why won't it go away? what was wrong with me? I hear Dad call my name, telling me breakfast is ready. "Coming Dad." I reply as if nothing at all is wrong, but I could feel it, something was very wrong, I began to cough violently feeling the rawness of my throat, burning like fire, I look in the mirror at my tired face, & blood shot eyes, I looked like a ghost, I break out my secret bottle of concealer, I couldn't let people see me like this, I frown heavily, beginning to dab the damp substance all over my face on the verge of tears, I start coughing again this was just great, Dad yells up again I finish putting the concealer on, walking slowly down the stairs, trying to seem happy as I usually do. I kissed Dads forehead like I do every morning I knew I should tell him something was wrong, but I didn't want him to have another stroke maybe it was best if I kept this illness to myself, that way no one would worry about me they shouldn't have to worry about me, I would be fine right? It was just a cough, wasn't it? I listened to Dad talk but all I could think about was trying not to cough, which was very hard considering how raw my throat now was, finally breakfast was over & I went back upstairs to moisturize like always, but I got distracted I started coughing heavily for at least a few minutes, & on the last of the coughs, blood spewed all over my mirror, & I panicked, not sure what to do hoping it was a onetime thing, I grabbed a dirty shirt & cleaned off my mirror, terrified I broke down & panicked, not sure what to do hoping it was a onetime thing, I grabbed a dirty shirt & cleaned off my mirror, terrified I broke down & started crying, I cried for what felt like hours, choking & coughing, not much more blood yet though, thankfully, I just wrapped around myself, crying until I can't breathe, I finally fall asleep curled up on the floor. When I woke up it was 7:30 p.m, I had been passed out on the floor this whole time. What was wrong with me? Why had I slept for so long? And why did my throat hurt even worse now? I coughed again, more bloody accompanying this time, Should I tell Dad? I ponder, Should I call a doctor? I was terrified & conflicted, I wanted to get better but didn't want people knowing I was sick, knowing that I the fabulous Kurt Hummel could be vulnerable, had the possibility of having to rely on others, I couldn't have that, I decided I would just keep this to myself & hope it went away, but as I begin to keep my illness a secret I became more & more belligerent towards everyone, I pushed everyone away, even those I loved the most, I was impossible to interact with I kept myself locked away I wouldn't go out & do anything with anyone, it was almost like Kurt didn't exist anymore like I was just some empty useless shell of what used to be Kurt Hummel, the boy who used to charm everyone he met, now just turned them all away, everyone thought I was being bullied by Karofsky again however I had forgotten he existed, the coughing just got worse & worse I didn't know what to do or who to talk to, so I just kept everything bottled up inside, until one day at dinner, I began to cough, & blood came up onto my plate, Dad yelled for Carrol to call 911, I just kept apologizing, trying to stop coughing, next thing I know I'm on a stretcher, being sped to a hospital, now I was fighting for my breaths, until I couldn't breathe, it was becoming so difficult to get any air at all into my lungs, I guess they figured that out because next thing I know I feel a pair of cold hands sliding some mask onto my face, & breathing suddenly. I sighed in my mind of relief because I was out of the woods, or so I thought, as we arrived at the hospital the mask slowly stopped working as well as it was, I was gasping for air again, they rushed my into the ICU & put tubes into my nose, I could breathe again, I tried to calm myself down, all alone in that room, I told myself this was nothing, they would fix me, I would be fine, right? Wrong. When I woke up the next morning I could feel that there was a tube now in my mouth, that felt like it was giving me, oxygen, I tried to open my eyes & it was impossible, I could hear everything but I couldn't move at all, I heard Dads voice talking to me but there was nothing at all I could do to signal to him that I could, I could tell he was crying, he was telling me to pull through, I wanted to tell him that I was going to pull through for him, that I wasn't going to leave him like mom had to leave us, I wanted so badly to cry but I physically couldn't & it was killing me my thoughts were racing & I couldn't do anything but lie there in wait. Was I dead? I thought to myself, no I couldn't be dead. Then what the hell was wrong with me? Why can't I open my eyes & talk to my father?, I cried mentally, beating myself up because I knew this was hurting Dad so badly, I didn't know what to do, How had it gotten like this? It was just a cough I insist to myself... just a fucking cough. I had to wake up & talk to Dad to someone, I cried inside my head aching for my eyes to open & let me just cry, but they wouldn't respond, none of me would. "He's in a medically induced coma" I hear a doctor say "He can't breathe on his own & he kept fighting the tube", I began to scream inside my head wanting desperately to be awake again, wanting to live.


End file.
